Dating a recreational drug user
Or, maybe, mellow egoless groovy people that they are notwithstanding, it just bugs them that there's someone outside the group mindset in their circle.
I want my boyfriend to stop taking drugs
Either way, it doesn't bode well for you and your relationship. You don't have the same legal culpability as they do, and therefore the motivation to keep everything under wraps, so I hate to be yet another member of the DTMFA chorus, but I really don't see a lot of hope for the long-term prospects of this relationship. Like hold a job? If not, I think the recreational bit may be unrealistically optimistic. Especially if he is under Stoned kids off my lawn.
I think the only point here is that they're a valid though not necessarily legal lifestyle choice that many adults make, and one that particularly seems villified by the American political and educational systems. Without getting into too much detail, I've had this quandary in relationships several times before, interestingly on both sides of the equation. I used to do a lot more drugs, now I do fewer. The only way you can get to an "agree to disagree" place here is if you're both willing to do that. This also means that if you get to that place, then you have to have some graceful way to deal with his friends and his general cultural choices.
I grew up in a family of problem drinkers and did, for a long time, have a sort of knee-jerkish response to people I cared about drinking around me. I used to be a bit of a hardliner, not wanting to date people who drank and getting into big lengthy "but why? I've grown a lot since then and learned to separate what's bad behavior and what's just a situation I'm unsure of or unsteady with.
It's okay to not want to be treated badly, it's more your issue if you're just fearing bad treatment based on free-range anxieties and trying to control behavior as a result. So, if your boyfriend is taking drugs and that is causing him to treat you in a way you don't like, that's no good but maybe workable. If he's taking drugs and the drugs themselves are the thing you don't like, this is probably a parting point for the two of you.
For your part, you should listen for this when the two of you talk and act accordingly. For example if he's using his intoxication as some sor tof excuse for dropping the ball "Oh hey sorry I didn't call you back, I was really fucked up. This is true whether he's drinking too much beer or taking too much ketamine. Many people are comfortable with recreational drug use as a totally valid thing to do for fun. If you're not one of these people and your boyfriend is, that may be a gulf that's not really possible to bridge and you'd both be better off with people who share your outlooks.
There's not really a way to win the "there aren't enough advantages I was going to respond to specific comments, but there's too much self-righteous BS in here to do that.
People are reading a lot of things into the post that the OP hasn't said, and even assuming things that the OP specifically contradicted. I'll just say that people have been using mind-altering substances for all of recorded history, and many many people who used such substances have done great things and made lasting contributions to society. And of course all drugs are not the same, and not all drug-users use substances in the same way. Some people are responsible about it, some people aren't.
The "all substance-users are lazy, dangerous, good-for-nothings" attitude is ridiculous and unhelpful. Obscure Reference's comment is one of the few reasonable replies in here.
The bottom line is it's up to you to decide what you want to put in your body and whom you want to date. Frankly I'm not at all clear on what you're looking to get for an answer here, besides a bunch of people posting judgmental nonsense and telling you to dump your boyfriend. If this is a problem for your relationship it's probably not going to change and you should break up. If it's not a problem, don't worry about it. But having a sensible, informed, non-alarmist outlook on drug use is a good idea in any case. I was very nearly involved with someone who was into recreational drugs, and we disagreed a lot about their necessity, frequency of use, etc.
Ultimately our different views on the subject is what kept us from a closer relationship. I recognized that I couldn't form anything long-term with this guy, not without constantly daily dealing with his "minor" drug habits that I did not entirely approve of. I think unless you can accept all of what a person is or does, without hidden nagging doubts or reservations, the relationship is bound to get weaker and weaker. Especially when you feel like there are health risks the other person is ignoring.
Personally, I could never give all of myself to someone who I knew was harming themselves and blowing it off.
Private lives: I want my boyfriend to stop taking drugs | Life and style | The Guardian
Could you really deal with that? Really think about what you want, because you two really are in different worlds right now that don't seem to be meshing at all. It's you, or the drugs. Experience tells me that he'll choose the drugs over you, every time. It's a harsh reality. You'll save yourself a lot of headaches and heartaches that way. To make the situation a bit clearer, especially in response to eattheweak, I don't tend to hang out with him when he's " enlightening" himself, but I'm often with him when he's smoking dope and I've been present at parties and festivals or gatherings of friends where he takes MDMA or acid.
I don't expect him or his friends to stop taking drugs but I have to disagree when it comes to their reasoning. I did dabble in drugs, did acid, smoked, took shrooms, but I did it just out of fun, curiosity and peer pressure. I'm not against it for a bit of fun, I like to get a bit drunk now and again. I just have a problem with the continually taking all sorts of things in order to better themselves, and their disregard of my opinion. I have a great time with him when he's not under-the-influence but I agree that we probably don't have much of a future.
Dating a Drug Addict
I've been seeing this guy for over 6 months now, and everything is absolutley wonderful, except It's the fact that, 6 months into the relationship, you're trying to fix him. Not a good pattern to get into. But then, I've said that before. Btw, the fixing issue is kinda going both ways. As much as I'm telling him that I don't think he's drug taking is justified or necessary, and he's saying I'm immature and I can't understand him or his friends until I lose my ego apparently through tripping?
I'm thinking this isn't going to last much longer. I guess I'm better suited to someone with the same views. While he's getting high to remove his ego and experience personal growth and development, what are you doing? Just sitting in a room, watching him and his friends dork around? If he's interested in personal growth and development, what other things is he doing to grow and develop?
Anything interesting, or just the drugs? I'd dump him just for being that dull. This isn't a drug issue at all, is it? I agree with A Terrible Lama.
Next week: Is divorce the only way to move on?
It sounds like he's 16 years old. People do drugs for fun, then make up an excuse for why they're more than just drug users. If you can't admit that you're doing it for fun, you aren't old enough to do it. I'd also dump him if he's doing any of the drugs that are addictive enough that people are willing to visit someone squatting in an abandoned house or lie to a doctor for their fix. That doesn't end well. Screw that if he's doing it, because he's a time bomb.
If it's just pot or even occasional LSD use you're fighting about, I'd call you a bit controlling. You actively disapprove of something he enjoys. That gets old, no matter what we're talking about: I'd be irritated if my wife banned me from tinkering in the garage because she found it loathsome.
You should limit your control of his life to the point where it intersects yours. Pot is as harmless as things come from a physiological standpoint. More dangerous than water, but vastly less dangerous than a hamburger. Put it this way: Yet despite decades of trying, the worst you can conclusively say about even HEAVY pot use is that it causes temporary short term memory problems and small-but-statistically-significant increases in rare neck cancers and maybe psychotic episodes in those predisposed to them.
Is he acting stupid? Coming home too late? Gaining weight from the munchies? Useless as a conversational partner because he's high all the time?
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Unmotivated to move his life forward? Those things are legit to call him on. Spending two hours a week harmlessly sitting stoned on a couch with friends? I've had my share of fun times. But these days I'm a crusty homebody who rarely goes out, so it helps to have a partner who is on the same page. Unfortunately, there's an ultimatum forming here "It's me or the drugs" and unless he stops this behavior, you are never going to be okay with this.
source url It will be "the thing" that spells out the demise of your relationship. I don't mean to make light of your situation, but this reminded me one of Chris Rock's standup routines and there's a lot of truth here: Whatever you into, your woman gotta be into, too, and vice versa You can't be like, ''l'm going to church, where you going? I was a drug user pot, 'shrooms, acid in a relationship with a non-drug user. It drove a wedge between us and if it wasn't for almost dying after taking an ungodly amount of acid, we would have broken up because at the time I felt like I wasn't being my whole self with my partner.
I realize, a decade later, that I was being a tosspot. I used a lot of the same rationalizations that it sounds like your boyfriend is using and they were really only justifications for wanting to get stoned.